The person who started this blog was a young professional, recently out of college, ready to make a change with her life. The person sitting down writing this post today has changed many times since then.
Blog readers, it’s time I come clean to you about a few things. Motherhood is hard. Being a working parent is hard. It’s hard to keep updating this blog because I don’t feel like the person I “became” in 2011. I had a great story about losing 50 pounds when I took up running, but if you look at me today, that isn’t the truth any more. It was hard to lose the weight after I had a baby, and when I stopped breastfeeding full-time, I gained even more back.
This blog post isn’t an apology for not being the picture of health. Screw that. I’m still proud of some things. Since Lissie was born, I’ve been able to find time to exercise almost every day.
When I started running, I wanted some assurance that the big difficult thing I was about to undertake was definitely going give me results. I think that’s what a lot of people who found my blog think, too. “Before and after picture from the Couch to 5K” is the number one search query that gets people here.
If I didn’t think I was going to get them, I probably wouldn’t have started running. I completely missed the point. The reason why I still run most mornings even though I haven’t lost a pound in two years.
Running calms me down.
Running wakes me up.
Running lets me shut my brain off.
Running makes me feel alive.
Running is a great excuse to be alone.
Running is a great excuse to be with friends.
Running marathons, I learned I was capable of a persistence and goal setting in a way I never thought was possible. I could do anything. Becoming a mother, I learned I’m fallible. The only way I can do anything is if I say no to most other things.
Eating when you’re stressed out is so easy. I understand now why so many mothers end up here. It’s a great way to make yourself feel better without taking any time and not taking that much money. Except I don’t feel better after it’s over. The cumulative feeling is pretty gross.
If there is one thing I learned after staring down these numbers on the scale the first time, it’s that it’s what you do every day that moves you to the person you want to be.
I’m not well like I wish I was now. And I don’t know the path out of this. But I don’t regret any part of the journey, and I’m willing to start it over again.